Seize the GM
Seize the GM
Episode 55: Statblock-a-Palooza 2!

Main Topic


SCP Foundation



Item #: 65201


Object Class: Euclid


Special Containment Procedures: While looking into Item #65201 great care should be taken. Touching or looking at the item without the proper protective gear can result in the loss, mangeling or destruction of the hands or eyes. When not being handled the item should be kept in the deep storage locker #92461. Decon level 4 needed after more then 31 minutes of contact.


Description: Item 65201 is a ferro-organic spike with a slight curve like a tooth. It has no wear marks like one thou. It measures 18 inches long and a radius of 2 ½ inches.


The members that have looked into this article claim from time to time that they can hear it call them. Or it will hum in a subsonic way when handled. There have been no recorded instances of these things ever happening. Be warned some people have been known to have negative reactions to the article after only a few minutes of working with it.


Joules –  De Rez (Location)

Item #: SCP-8431


Object Class: Keter


Special Containment Procedures:  De Rez itself is walled off, with a singular point of ingress.  The wall uses “see thru” holo projections to help conceal its existence. De Rez has a 8 km radius buffer zone from the edge of the area proper.  Perception filters, holograms and subtle pathing are combined with routine security patrols, trained guard animals, and various sensor nets to keep out trespassers.


Description: De Rez is an area about 5.4 square kilometers and home to a unique self contained phenomenon.  De Rez appears to be an area where the normal rules of physics do not apply. Outside observations describe De Rez as an area where quantum mechanics and quantum phenomenon occur on a supermacro level.  And even stranger, the quantum superposition does not collapse when being observed. The exact nature of the phenomenon is unknown.


Currently De Rez is not expanding or contracting.  The space/size seems to be static. Current measurements outside De Rez’s event horizon show no adverse effects to the environment.

Sensor/experimental electronic drones, organic life forms, and mundane objects that are taken past the “event horizon” of De Rez become permanently integrated into the system. To this date, nothing has been able to be retrieved.  Outside observations of any organic life forms do not detect obvious distress. More observations over longer time periods are required.


GaM – Performance Review – Doctor Michael Andreas (Person)

Dr. Andreas is categorized as a Solid Performing researcher.  Specifically, Dr. Andreas demonstrates above average conscientiousness and adherence to protocol.  Despite his short tenure with the SCP Foundation, Dr. Andreas shows promise regarding research into string theory and post-modern dimensional bleed.  Dr. Andreas, however, does show a need to improve his performance regarding his attendance and his punctuality. Specifically, there have been documented instances of tardiness to his work station despite his car being logged at the parking deck on time. Additionally, he has been documented returning to the SCP Foundation premises despite not being observed departing by his coworkers or supervisors.  Advise that Dr. Andreas be monitored for unauthorized research projects with contained items. Recommend a 3% merit adjustment and 1.5% COLA.


Shiny Happy People


Zen Shiny Happy People

What happens when the world as you know it doesn’t offer up much challenge? True most people will not know that feeling but for a tech man like Alexei the world has no real challenges left. But what if the challenges now are internal. Things you can not beat with money or influence? That is where Alexei is, he is a tech guru that has seen a flash of something. What is that something? The darkness inside himself or maybe the darkness of the world.


Trying to fix it in himself and others is not easy but if he can get the darkest evil of the world and draw it to himself then he can try to purge it from the world. Some terms get thrown around like cult or fanatics but he doesn’t let those thing bother him. And he doesn’t have to since he is going to make the world better even if he must bring a few of them kicking and screaming. Once they see the error of their ways the Shiny Happy People want to help bring more into the fold till we are all Happy.


Joules Insta-Bash (Thing)

Thank you for requesting the latest copy of the “catalogue”

As a thank you for being a loyal customer, we are willing to offer you a 10% discount on the latest innovation.


Introducing the Insta-Bash, the latest and greatest from Popeil Brothers, Inc. A Frobozz Electric company.  This handy dandy device makes celebrations a breeze. And it’s SO EASY! Never again will you have to miss out on your own party because you’re trying to stay on top of everything.  


Select the type of party you want to throw.  Choose approximate size of the party (guest number and venue size), food and drink selection, duration, and celebration type.  The Insta-Bash then displays available venues, catering recommendations, and optional recommended hardware like canopies or portable patio heaters.  It also has an option to select party staffing (if required). Make your selections and the Insta-Bash does the rest.


The Insta-Bash coordinates with all the vendors so that everything will be ready for your special day and with the social media upgrade, Insta-Bash will also send out personalized invites to everyone on your guest list.


The Insta-Bash also comes with various troubleshooting and incident mitigating features and upgrades.


Life is a party.  So let Insta-Bash help you celebrate the fun instead of sweating the details.


All Sales Final.  No Refunds. By using the Insta-Bash you hereby allow Frobozz Electric access to your address, metrics, contact lists and organ donor status.  


nulloperations Village of Empty Hearts  [Place]


The village is small, remote, isolated. But these people smile wide as your party approach their border. You want to be wary, but you can’t seem to stay concerned next to the carefree nature of these people as they welcome you into their businesses and homes. You wait and wait for the shoe to drop, but not a terror occurs as you settle in the hostel they’ve setup.


Which is why it’s odd when you notice the strange portraits around the village. While they look like relatives of the people from the town, no one seems to care when you ask about them. Oh, they acknowledge the missing, but there isn’t a weight of concern or worry about their absence. Just hollow recognition, and in one young man, a look of pain he won’t elaborate on.

The second night in the village, in the dead of night, you watch the young man walk a path out of town. You debate following him, but he stops just on the edge of the farmland and lays down to sleep in a stone circle. The next day, his concern seems to have evaporated.


Empathetic Evil


Joules Destined Regent (Person)

Why are you crying?

Mummy don’t cry.

Don’t be sad.

Why are you crying?  This is my destiny, remember?  Born under a lunar eclipse following a solar eclipse.  I’ve been studying the ancient texts. Memorizing the histories. Following your lessons since before I was weaned.

You told me that the prophecies said I would become our country’s most influential regent, beloved by all.  I would fix our land’s problems. I would heal the hearts of our people. And I have, haven’t I? My people love me.  They live in safety, if they stay within the walls. They have full bellies, if they are willing to work in the fields or the mines.  They are free to worship whatever gods that I choose.

You raised me to be the greatest regent, Mummy.  You said following your lessons was the only way to become the ruler I am destined to be.  That everyone would love me.

So I followed your lessons Mummy.  Every day. Weapons practice. History lessons. Music Lessons. Rhetoric, philosophy, war, politics.  I’ve studied them all at your knee.

But I look at your face Mummy.  I don’t see love.

I see fear.  

But don’t worry Mummy.  You told me I am the Destined Regent.  You’ve told me this for 10 years. So I know it’s not my fault.

There must be something wrong with you.

So please stop crying Mummy.

I’ll fix you.


GaM HERitage BICameral IDol Escarpment [Location]

The stones are still stained with the blood of your fathers.  The town square was the place where an entire generation was wiped out by the new Kings.  The stone drank the blood from their bodies in ways no other stone will. This stone brought by the Kings in their chariots replaced the rough hewn sandstone from your grandparents generation.  The stones shattered the square into the escarpment that maintains togay, humming and glowing and constantly reminding you it is there. Every day, every week, all you see is the reminder that these stones hold onto the last remnant of your parents.  Every tear that drops from your cheek is rapidly absorbed by those same stones.

You’d go back in time if you could.  You’d stop your parents from asking for help.  The new Kings came at your parents behest. The new Kings saved your village from the ever encroaching creeping death.  They didn’t want to, but blood had to be spilled to power the stone work. The Kings explained the creeping death was their fault.  The attempt to keep the world green, to put right what they themselves destroyed had taken on its own life. The Kings in the Sky required a sacrifice to save the village from the King’s own arrogant folly, and your parents gave it freely.


nulloperations – The Circle of Deep Dreaming [Thing]


It’s voraciously hungry, that’s a truth that cannot be disputed. It wants and needs for terrors, for nightmares, for the thoughts of the darkest violence and cruelest of intentions. All are sustenance for the circle, all let it thrive and strengthen. Those who dare dream within a day’s walking journey to the ring will feel compelled to travel and slumber within its boundary. There they will experience their terrors culminated in a single awful nightmare.


And then it will be gone, consumed by the circle. They’ll be free of the darkness for the next turn of the moon. If this was the last intelligent being in the region, the circle too will vanish, seeking new nightmares to consume.


Currently, the ring resides outside a small trouble free village. The village has kept it here for twelve years, using its terror eating powers to treat the darkness within them. To free them of the burdens on their hearts.


Near Future AR


Zen –



As the grainy resolution sharpens over the physicality of the old door the name Symbiosis comes into sharp focus. Reaching out to the door it opens with but a touch of the palm reader. The codes to get in uploaded with a thought. The room entered is white and blank. Blinking three times rapidly calls up the AR settings in the room.


It floods into a room full of maps and information. There is a bed and a few other real world things but not much. The makeup of the AR is changed for each person that interacts with it. In the beginning the area stays simple and as the root protocols start to learn the things you need, want and like they change to fill in those things. Symbiosis grows on and in you the more time you stay in it. Till eventually it doesn’t need the room. And when that happens the latest stage of the AI and VR interface grows to “Help” you in ways you don’t need but that it feels you want.


GaM – Data Germs [Thing]

The high density storage media broke our old expectations for data.  All the chatter about trinary computing and breaking Moore’s law may have been for naught, but the amount we could store wasn’t overstated.  But that’s the problem. Caches of data are left in storage crystals, no larger than a pebble. They litter the world left and right, up and down, dragging with them the data, the memories, the history they contain.  


Data Pollution is what they are calling it.  The seamless mesh network that runs the AR infrastructure of the world can’t keep up.  The backwards compatibility is baked into the entire world and there is too much riding on it for the corps to reverse course now.  It’s too bad for the scientists, so often early adopters, holding the blame for those memory crystals so cheaply made, so cheaply filled, so cheaply tossed.  These data germs infected our world on the precipice of technology breakthroughs … and left us swimming in a morass of the past and pains reflected on anyone who stumbles too close to a hidden germ’s broadcast.


nulloperations – Daemon of the Circle [Person]


It won’t appear without the aid of the glass. It’s not alive in the normal sense, just energy that can think, and most of what it thinks about is its hunger. The circle centers it, gives it a place to manifest in the world, but it can’t leave it. The glass lets you see it though.

Give them here, I’ll show you. Oh, you have the scanners set for low-light. That won’t help. It’s got to be on the thin wave spectrum. Yes, the same one we used to fix the cart. I told you, it’s energy. Electricity, or not. I’m not sure. The circle’s magnetic, so I think the creature is centered on that. Here put your glass back on.


Yes, you see it now. Big nasty thing, isn’t it? It only looks that way because we’re here though. I’ve left a camera to watch it and during the day it’s mostly a haze of electrical patterns to the lens. But to you and I? It wants to be shaped like a nightmare. That’s not one of mine though, but I can’t blame you. A giant lagomorph would spoke me too.


Now, come with me into the circle.


I know you’re scared. That’s the point. That’s why we’re here. That’s what it wants. That’s why it’s focused on you. Just step in. It won’t do anything to you unless you lie down to sleep.

This next part, I need you to be very careful. I’m going to set your glass to a different output mode. The one we talked about last night. You’ll see nothing but noise on your end, but the creature of the circle might see something in the static.


Perfect. Step back. It’s transfixed. We’ll get you a new glass, just let it wear it. Oh right, you can’t see it anymore, here look through mine. It’s just sitting there, affixed to the images of horror, feeding. Why are you looking to that side of the circle? What do you see? Give me my glass back.


Oh. Oh, there’s more of them. So many more. We need to warn the village.



Closing remarks

Zendead- Torg


Joules- Two Lumps: The Adventures of Ebenezer and Snooch


Guard-a-Manger- One of the best Sci-Fi shows in years was picked up to survive on Amazon Prime! The Expanse is a fantastic show that is an adaptation of a novel series.  Reasons for SyFy not to renew it are irrelevant here – go watch it on Amazon Prime since Season 4 will be there soon enough!  


Null – Zee Bashew’s animated Dungeons and Dragons is a charming set of short videos about snippets on D&D5e. They cover the wonderful power that is the fireball spell, how certain spells can completely nullify certain campaign tropes, and a set of interesting (and odd) sets of concept characters.


Bonus link: So Many Levels: A D&D Podcast


Harlan Ellison


Music is courtesy of The Enigma TNG you can find his music on YouTube or on Bandcamp


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